The Pom-Pom Plan: A Simple Visual Behavior Plan That Actually Feels Doable (Copy)

Sometimes behavior plans get way too complicated.

There are charts, points, levels, tokens, apps, consequences, earned privileges, lost privileges, and seventeen different rules that nobody in the house can actually remember by Tuesday.

This is not that.

This is a simple, visual, low-pressure behavior plan using pom-poms or cotton balls.

And honestly? Sometimes simple works better.

The basic idea

Pick a big reward.

Not a “you can have 20 extra minutes of screen time” reward. A real, exciting, out-of-the-norm reward.

Something like a beach day, an amusement park trip, a sleepover/campout in the backyard, a new game or gaming system they have been asking for, a special outing they would not normally get, something YOU may have been planning to do anyway (that THEY don’t know about) but now they get to visually work toward it!

Then, every time your child completes a target behavior or task, they earn a pom-pom or cotton ball in a clear container.

That’s it.

They do the thing → they see the progress.

Why the visual part matters

A lot of kids do not feel progress the way adults expect them to. We might think, “You’ve been doing so much better this week!”

But they may feel like: “I’m always in trouble.” “I never get anything.” “Nobody notices when I try.” “This is taking forever.”

A clear jar or cup gives them proof.

They can see, “Oh. I actually am getting closer.”

For kids who struggle with executive functioning, emotional regulation, motivation, anxiety, trauma responses, ADHD, autism, or just being a human child in a hard season, visible progress can be much more powerful than a parent verbally saying, “Keep going.”

Pick 1–5 target behaviors

Do not make this a 42-item character development program.

Pick a few things that actually matter right now.

The tasks should be clearly posted somewhere visible, and colorful,. Not floating around in your head. Not something you explain differently every time. Written down. Printed. Laminated if you’re that kind of tired.

I’ve worked with families (and done myself) who choose getting to school on time, using kind words (aka not saying f@#!), having safe rides in the car, completing a chore attempt, trying a chore/task/appointment for 5 minutes even if they do not finish, bathroom in the toilet, pooping (for those with trauma and who are impacted), safe body/safe hands, or self-care tasks like tooth brushing, showering, brushing hair, or changing underwear and socks.

For so many kids, the goal should not be perfection. It may need to be effort.

For example, “clean your room” may be too big. But “try for 5 minutes” may be the actual skill you are building.

You can color-code the pom-poms

You can keep it super simple and use plain cotton balls.

Or you can dye cotton balls / buy large colored pom-poms if it helps your child see how they earned the reward.

For example:

• Green = used kind words

• Yellow = tried for 5 minutes

• Red = completed the task

• Blue = safe car ride

• Purple = got to school on time

This can be really helpful because then the reward is not just “you behaved.”

It shows the child, “You earned this because you practiced these specific skills.”

That matters — Especially for kids who are constantly hearing what they did wrong.

Use a car cup if the behavior happens outside the house

If one of the target behaviors involves school, the car, stores, appointments, visits, or public places, keep a small clear cup in the car.

When the child earns a pom-pom out in the community, put it in the car cup.

Then when you get home, transfer it into the big jar.

This keeps it concrete and immediate without needing to carry the whole reward system around like you’re a traveling preschool classroom.

This is not the same as earning an allowance for chores.

In my house, some chores or tasks may be rewarded differently. For example, a child may earn screen time, money toward Uber Eats, or another smaller privilege for specific household responsibilities.

The pom-pom plan is different.

This is for bigger behavior goals or skill-building goals.

It is about building momentum toward something meaningful.

For example, Hanna’s list might be about how tasks are done, like completing chores, trying without arguing, or finishing a routine. Those can be rewarded separately. The pom-pom plan is more about the larger goal: “We are working toward this big thing together.”

Make the reward achievable

The jar should not take six months to fill.

If the goal feels impossible, kids stop caring. Adults do too.

Pick a container that fits the level of support your child needs. A smaller jar may be better than a huge one. You can always make the next goal bigger.

For a child who is really struggling, you may need a short-term win first.

A clear cup that fills in a week may work better than a giant vase that takes all summer.

Do not take pom-poms away

This is important. Once they earn it, they earned it. Do not remove pom-poms because they had a hard moment later.

That turns the system into another punishment system, and for a lot of kids, that makes them give up.

The message should be: “Your effort counts.”

Not: “Your effort only counts if you never mess up again.”

Kids who struggle with behavior usually already know they mess up. The skill we are building is noticing when they succeed and helping them want to try again.

Keep the language simple

You do not need a lecture every time.

Try: “You earned one for trying.” “That was safe. Add one.” “You used kind words even though you were frustrated. That counts.” “You did the first step. That earns one.” “You got through the ride safely. Put one in the car cup.”

Small. Clear. Calm.

Remember, the effort counts. Angry words can still be kind words — for me, if we’re not cussing everyone out and telling people to hurt themselves or threatening harm, those words are kind! Even if it’s said at volume and through gritted teeth, if the answer is “no” instead of “F*$# no!”, depending on your family situation, that’s a win.

What this plan does well

This kind of plan works because it is visual, concrete, positive, flexible, and easy to explain.

• easy for grandparents, babysitters, and other caregivers to follow

• focused on building skills instead of just reacting to behavior

It also helps parents notice effort before things fall apart.

And sometimes that is the whole shift.

Final thought

The pom-pom plan is not magic.

No behavior plan is.

But it can give kids a visible way to see that their effort matters. It can help parents focus on what is working. It can make a big goal feel possible.

And when a child has been hearing “no,” “stop,” “not like that,” “why would you do that,” and “you lost it” all day long, a jar filling up with proof that they are trying can be a really big deal.

Start small. Make it visual. Pick a reward that actually matters.

Then catch them trying.